Monday, December 17, 2007

Tomorrow it will be a week from Christmas....


I am not particularly prepared for Christmas this year because my brother has decided that Christmas is anti- Biblical..... so he doesn't want to exchange gifts, put up lights etc. I guess that means we won't even drive around and look at Christmas lights as we have in the past. I don't have much of a family here and I really don't have many acquaintances to hang out with either -- so the whole situation has gotten me down. Still -- I LOVE the Holidays this time of year =-= especially BEFORE the actual days --- I guess I just love the mood of people thinking of other people and the anticipation of the whole thing. That is why the day AFTER Christmas (and often Christmas itself -- esp this year - I'm afraid) can be so depressing. I just wish I had more family and close friends in my life ..... and I wish that these special days weren't getting fewer and farther between (and more depressing each year)

One of my very close friends for over 30 years committed suicide two years ago Dec 13th. (She was only 45 years old). I'd discovered her and stopped her from succeeding from another serious suicide attempt in early January of 2004. It bought her almost two more years of life but in a way -- what was the use since she succeeded killing herself anyway in Dec 2005? She and her bf used to come up and spend the Holidays with us ...... Since she died we have not only lost her company but her bf's as well. I miss the Christmases we had with them. :-(

Another close friend who I have known since before I was born -- died a year ago this past November. In recent times she didn't live close enough to spend the holidays with us but in the past she lived with us so we had MANY Christmases together. My Dad died 17 days after his 53rd Birthday (He was a New Years Eve baby ....and died January 17th 1983 from a car accident) We never got to give him his Christmas presents the winter he died because he had been in the hospital at the time. (Unrelated to the later car accident) Another VERY close friend of the family died in 1998 -- January 11th. She, too, would often spend the Holidays with us. Both deaths were pretty unexpected -- ESP my Dad's. I know other people have sad tales around Christmastime so I know that I am not alone but these things still hurt (when I let myself feel them at all). :-(

I am grateful I HAVE a family -- tho I wish it weren't so very small == just my mom, brother, sister in law, and I. We have some cousins and Aunts and Uncles but they are far away and we are not really in contact with them anymore. It is so depressing how things seem to be getting worse and worse....but I also know that things can always get MUCH worse than this. I don't know HOW I will handle it (or NOT handle it) when mom dies, or if anything happenned to my brother and/or sister in law. Blah -- sorry == I didn't know this "week before Christmas" post would turn to this.....In a way, I guess it is no wonder I hang out a lot on SL --- and/or sleep often and odd hours to avoid things.

2 comments:

Mykyl said...

You have family in Faeria - I know that it's not the same - but you can just about always find someone there to give you a hug or a shoulder to lean on.

Come and talk with me about your blog sometime -I will go through the setup of mine with you and see if I can't answer some of your questions. :)

AuroraSkye said...

Oh ty so much Mykyl!!!!!! BIG HUGS!!!! You have always been so kind to me and I sure hope that I can return the favour sometime.

Thank you so much for what you wrote here. Hugs!