Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I got offline at 3 am and tried my best to get to sleep but couldn't sleep again til 10 AM (ugh) (I hate that) So then I slept til 7 PM! (Which of course, goofs up my sleep hours big time).
Saturday, March 15, 2008
... since I have posted a "blog." I really wish it were easier for me to think of things to say.
It is almost 11 pm on Saturday night and I almost didn't get on the computer at all today- but then I decided -- what the heck. In many ways, the computer is my only connection to the outside world. I don't go out much or talk on the phone much either.
I don't want to keep talking about my sleep apnea but it is something that is on my mind at this point in time. Hopefully I will write about other things tonight, too. I want to publically thank my friend FD Sparks for helping me with suggestions on how to get used to the mask. It has been making me feel like I am suffocating lately so I have been having a very hard time getting used to the darn thing. He suggested I wear it while sitting up and not trying to sleep at all. I was so busy trying to follow all the Drs strict rules (about bed only for sleeping and only 8 hours with the mask, and lying down flat, no TV, only reading something boring like washing machine instructions, etc etc etc) that to wear it without trying to sleep never occurred to me! I am now HOPING that maybe being less strict about things at first -- will help me to start using it at night again - so it can do some good. :-)
Well, now to another subject, (but can I think of one?)....
I have been trying to do some artwork with Photoshop lately but so far I have not been very pleased with my attempts. I did laundry and dishes the other day ... How is that for "Dotty Domestic"? I couldn't think of much to say but at least I found a funny cat pic to put up at the top. LOL
Thursday, March 6, 2008
First of all, I carry a large container of water around with me all the time cuz I found that my throat gets very dry if I am not able to sip some water all day. Well, this Dr insisted that it is BAD for you to drink water all day (that is very different than what I hear everyone say) And then this Dr insisted that I drink water all the time because I have an oral fixation and I need to have something to suck on all day. Well -- that is patently ridiculous! I may be oral -- I mean == I like food - I admit it,... but I sip on my water cuz my throat gets physically dry! If I want to satisfy my "oral fixation" - the first thing I reach for is certainly NOT water!!!! LOLOL (sheesh) It would be icecream, or candy, or or or or or...... (I can't help but wonder if she would have even SAID that if I were VERY VERY skinny like she is).
Then, as I got up to leave, this Dr said: "You eat to stay awake!"
HUH?????? She has got to be kidding! Where on Earth did she get THAT idea? First of all, I have the UNHEALTHY habit of NOT eating for hours and hours on end (especially when I am involved in artwork or on SL) and I can often stay awake for 36 hours straight in these instances. So when I DO eat (usually when I have waited sooooo long I am feeling physically sick --from NOT eating <----- I never said I had good habits here- LOL) I promptly fall asleep afterwards. (Maybe cuz all the blood rushes to my stomach to digest?) So, if anything, I eat to fall asleep!
Anyway -- I just had to complain because those were very weird things to say on her part (in my opinion) and I sure hope that she is better at helping with sleep apnea than she is at making realistic comments about my eating/drinking habits. :-/
The Dr. also said that I am NOT to take ambien to help myself sleep because that would kill me (wheeeeeeee) (She was SOOOOOO full of good news today)
In essense, I have to get that CPAP machine ASAP, and do a lot of other sleep type rules to try to stop or lessen the apnea episodes - so I don't have a heart attack, stroke, or die in my sleep from lack of oxygen. It is VERY hard not to want to totally sleep/escape at this point so I don't have to face all this ..... but I guess that would not be a good idea.
Not sure what else to say --- I don't FEEL exhausted (esp since I "slept" all day yesterday) so I am not sure I will have any more willingness to do the things I need to do for my health than the (mostly LACK of) willingness I have currently .... but maybe the CPAP will make a difference in my attitude. I sure HOPE it makes a difference in my attitude because right now my attitude is more one of giving up than doing what I need to do to get healthy. (And yet I really don't want to have a stroke or heart attack -- so I really DO need to get on the ball and turn things around) [God, I sure hope I can/will]
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I am nervous about getting the breathing CPAP thingy -- but then again from what I hear it is prob a good idea to get one. Maybe I am just having trouble with change. I never have been very good with change. Even if it is change for the better it can still be scary. I guess I am just a chicken at heart. lol
I think I have been avoiding things a lot again lately. I slept all day yesterday and I avoided things on Sunday - by sleeping all day too. I know our days are limited on this planet and I really don't want to waste my days like this. Still, I guess at times I just don't want to be conscious.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this blog to be such a downer. Here's wishing all who read this regularly or who stop by -- to have a wonderful day/week/month. I hope your days are happy, healthy and joyful. HUGS! :-)