Wednesday, April 23, 2008
I guess these Bible things are just NOT good for me. :-/
I met a girl there who said she could help me to learn Hebrew so I was very interested in that. She called tonight and we spoke for a long while. The problem is -- I have a tendency to be gullible, share too much and lose myself when I talk to people with strong opinions on things. And she definately has a strong point of view. I was hoping to just learn Hebrew and if it led me to feeling able to embrace the religion of my brother and these people then that would be great .... but it turned out that this lady wanted me to agree to a faith in this BEFORE she would teach me Hebrew. If she had said this early on in the conversation I think I would have had an easier time just saying "No thank you" but by the time she brought this up we were very deep into the conversation and I had already sort of lost myself at that point. (If this makes any sense)
I think part of my problem is-- I keep trying to be open-minded about things cuz I think it is a good way to be == but then I end up being SOOOO open-minded that I lose touch with my OWN inner beliefs, and start getting upset that I don't believe as they do, and scared that if their beliefs are the REAL ones -- then I will go to HELL.
I know how I WANT God to be -- but I have also heard many times that God is how HE is and He doesn't change His personality just to fit with how *I* may want Him to be. I like to believe that there are MANY paths to the one GOD and that he loves us all and that NO ONE will go to HELL when we die. But of course, many religions do NOT preach this -- and one of the MAIN tenants of Christianity is that they HAVE to believe that their God is THE one and ONLY TRUE God and all other religions have the wrong idea. They also have to believe in the Devil and Hell and Adam and Eve, a Virgin birth, Jesus dying and resurecting, etc etc etc. I have trouble with all of these.
Anyway --- I have prayed to the Christian God and ASKED Him to change my heart and make me Christian if that is what he wishes me to be. I love and admire my brother and so if he says I am going to Hell if I don't give myself to Yeshua, then it is something I take very seriously. But unfortunately my heart isn't in it. I have trouble believing in Adam and Eve, and a Virgin birth, and I don't WANT to believe in a DEVIL really existing.
The thing is, IF my brother (and other strong Christians) are RIGHT -- and if I DON'T choose the RIGHT God, BEFORE I die, then I will spend ETERNITY seperate from Him, fully conscious FOREVER burning and in pain. :-( (and I have never been a great fan of heat or pain)
Many people tell me to follow my own heart and not care what my brother believes. I DO know that we have to think for ourselves and come to our own conclusions. But my brother is a very logical, loving, smart, and sincere person. He has read the Bible cover to cover at least seven times and he has studied The Word deeply for years. I find that I can't just disregard what he has learned from his studies of Christianity and the Bible. He has been a strong Christian for many years so he has definately found something there. I just can't figure out WHY I can't get myself to have the same faith. Has "the Devil" completely won over my heart? Not that I am saying I like the Devil -- I am talking about my "Evil" (according to these Christians I am talking to) beliefs. :-(
Well anyway --- there is more to all of this but this may give an indication why I am feeling down tonight/today.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I SHOULD go get milk (been out of it for days) but I am still so tired/low energy. I thought about having Safeway.com deliver but that is too expensive and I really should just get off my butt and go shopping. LOL (Can you tell that shopping is not one of my favourite things to do?
Still, I wish I could just wiggle my nose like Samantha on "Bewitched" and have things appear. LOL I guess I will force myself to go after I finish this blog. I wish I could write more meaningful things. So many people write very thought provoking things and in an elegant way. OR they write about life experiences in a wonderfully humourous (spelling?) way.
Its funny -- I dreampt I'd slept over in my car in a "role playing" sim on Second Life. LOL. I guess SL has enterred my dreams now. I'd explored a "role playing" sim for the first time on SL last night. Unfortunately I didn't see what was so great about it. I spent the whole time trying to find my friend in the sim and didn't find him til the end. Then he was falling asleep. I had the observer tag on but I still felt very out of place and afraid to type anything at all to anybody. I guess Role Playing in SL is not my "thang." So, in the dream, I had my cat in the car with me -- but she was a combination of two of my cats. She had Tai Chi's body and name but Blueberrie's colouring. Somehow, she got out of the car as I was trying to drive away and she ran into the forest. I stop the car again so I can go into the forest and look for her. I meet a lady in the role playing forest and tell her that I am looking for my cat and then I apologize because I had spoken in a non-role playing manner. LOL Fortunately she was understanding and she helped me look for my cat. I found Tai Chi and put her back into the car but before I could drive away she got out AGAIN and I had to go back to searching for her.
Soooooo I wonder what that dream means. (if anything) Oh well, I guess I have avoided going to the store for long enough. Bye for now. Have a wonderful day everyone. :-)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I goofed up my sleep again and stayed up all night. OOOOOPS! Oh well. LOL I had fun anyway. I should go to bed now but I am not tired yet. I guess I really had too much coca cola last night (actually it was pepsi but same thing) lol
And here is a more well-known song by Georgie -
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I know I don't say much (altho I do try to share some art here). I read other peoples' blogs and they have a fairly large group of people that make comments to their posts regularly. I know I have two or three people who are kind enough to visit and comment and I am very grateful to them -- but still -- only having two or three readers does make me feel like what the heck am I doing cluttering up the internet with my boring posts?
(blah -- Maybe I will be in a better mood tomorrow)
LOL -- I did it the hard way -=- editing the word and clicking on the keyboard icon, and then finding the OM symbol -- and I just realized that all I had to do was type: "om" लोलोल
Oh this is so neat!!! How fun! Too bad I don't really know how to speak Hindi -- but the text sure looks neat doesn't it? I always thought it was/is such a beautiful written language। I have been trying to learn Hebrew -- I wonder if I can get this blog to let me type in Hebrew characters as well? Darn - so far I have not been able to figure out how to get a choice to use Hebrew characters..... but the sanskrit sure is fun. :-)
It says that it just uses the Hindi symbols to match the sounds so it is not translating actual English words to Hindi. Still -- I wonder if someone who reads Hindi can figure out what I wrote above. :-) It sure looks pretty! I sure wish I really could read and write the language.
*****Oh darn -- I just found out that the Sanskrit/Hindi writing doesn't show for most -- so these posts about the neat Sanskrit writing make me look like an idiot cuz they are only showing in English for readers. Oh well -- shame -- the symbols sure look NEAT on my computer. ***** :-)
Friday, April 4, 2008
When it comes to my art I often go through phases. I "explore" a style/medium of art, making many creations and then the phase passes and I never go through it again. It is very strange. I do that with jewelry too. I went through a thing where I made a lot of sculpted roses for necklaces and then I got tired of it - never to make them again. I did the same thing with Ukrainian Easter eggs. I have two or three dozen of them but now I don't make them anymore.
I seem to be going through a phase of these intricate designs at the moment -- I know it won't last. The above one is a bit busy but it is interesting. I am not a great fan of white backgrounds, though. Not sure what I can use these for, although I suppose they could make pretty cards.
So far, I have been unable to make a texture that I like as much as the one I still have on my desktop as wall paper (the one in the previous blog). I sure wish I could make another one that I like as well or better .... oh well..... :-/
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The original drawing looked like this (without the gradient background):