Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Oh, and I forgot to mention ...

The host of the passover meal last night (mentioned below) was talking to me about things in the Bible and then he casually said: "The US is going to be nuked." He wasn't upset about it -- he feels he won't be here because Yahweh will have taken him to the wilderness near Isreal by then, but of course, non-believers will not be so lucky. Again, I know no one can really predict the future but to me it is upsetting that anyone can even remotely get that out of the Bible prophesies. I have been afraid of Nuclear war for ages.
I guess these Bible things are just NOT good for me. :-/

Hello, I'm feeling a bit down tonight....

I went to a passover meal with my brother and sister in law last night and I was grateful to them for inviting me. The people who put it on seem to be nice people and the meal was nice as well. It was not an official Jewish passover meal -- it was Messianic Jewish (Jews who believe that Jesus/Yeshua was/is the true messiah) so of course, some of the readings were different than it would be at a regular Jewish Passover meal.
I met a girl there who said she could help me to learn Hebrew so I was very interested in that. She called tonight and we spoke for a long while. The problem is -- I have a tendency to be gullible, share too much and lose myself when I talk to people with strong opinions on things. And she definately has a strong point of view. I was hoping to just learn Hebrew and if it led me to feeling able to embrace the religion of my brother and these people then that would be great .... but it turned out that this lady wanted me to agree to a faith in this BEFORE she would teach me Hebrew. If she had said this early on in the conversation I think I would have had an easier time just saying "No thank you" but by the time she brought this up we were very deep into the conversation and I had already sort of lost myself at that point. (If this makes any sense)
I think part of my problem is-- I keep trying to be open-minded about things cuz I think it is a good way to be == but then I end up being SOOOO open-minded that I lose touch with my OWN inner beliefs, and start getting upset that I don't believe as they do, and scared that if their beliefs are the REAL ones -- then I will go to HELL.
I know how I WANT God to be -- but I have also heard many times that God is how HE is and He doesn't change His personality just to fit with how *I* may want Him to be. I like to believe that there are MANY paths to the one GOD and that he loves us all and that NO ONE will go to HELL when we die. But of course, many religions do NOT preach this -- and one of the MAIN tenants of Christianity is that they HAVE to believe that their God is THE one and ONLY TRUE God and all other religions have the wrong idea. They also have to believe in the Devil and Hell and Adam and Eve, a Virgin birth, Jesus dying and resurecting, etc etc etc. I have trouble with all of these.
Anyway --- I have prayed to the Christian God and ASKED Him to change my heart and make me Christian if that is what he wishes me to be. I love and admire my brother and so if he says I am going to Hell if I don't give myself to Yeshua, then it is something I take very seriously. But unfortunately my heart isn't in it. I have trouble believing in Adam and Eve, and a Virgin birth, and I don't WANT to believe in a DEVIL really existing.
The thing is, IF my brother (and other strong Christians) are RIGHT -- and if I DON'T choose the RIGHT God, BEFORE I die, then I will spend ETERNITY seperate from Him, fully conscious FOREVER burning and in pain. :-( (and I have never been a great fan of heat or pain)
Many people tell me to follow my own heart and not care what my brother believes. I DO know that we have to think for ourselves and come to our own conclusions. But my brother is a very logical, loving, smart, and sincere person. He has read the Bible cover to cover at least seven times and he has studied The Word deeply for years. I find that I can't just disregard what he has learned from his studies of Christianity and the Bible. He has been a strong Christian for many years so he has definately found something there. I just can't figure out WHY I can't get myself to have the same faith. Has "the Devil" completely won over my heart? Not that I am saying I like the Devil -- I am talking about my "Evil" (according to these Christians I am talking to) beliefs. :-(
Well anyway --- there is more to all of this but this may give an indication why I am feeling down tonight/today.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Ahhh back from shopping.....

Isn't this a fascinating blog? ROTFL I hate bringing everything in up the stairs etc. What a pain. I usually try to just bring the cold things in == and leave the non-cold things for when I can bring it in at another time -- but I had to bring some heavy kitty litter in this time so the cats can stop crossing their legs! LOL (Now why does this blog seem to be writing everything double spaced?)
Anyway - I went out to dinner before I brought the groceries home. At least THIS time I had a cafine free soda. :-) I love Mexican food but not Taco Hell so I go to this nice place called "Mexicalli Express." It is still a fast food place but the quality is a lot better than Taco Hell (IMO) and they have Cheese Enchaladas. (One of my faves) :D
Whomever reads this -- what are your favourite foods and/or fast food places (if you go to them)?
It hailed a bit while I was out shopping. I love wild weather. I will miss it when it is summer and all we have are endless hot days without a cloud in the sky. If we got summer thunder storms as some people do back east -- then I would like summers more == but here we rarely get thunderstorms. We don't have lightning bugs either. I often wonder if they prefer more muggy humid weather.
Well --- I am sure glad to be back home

Boy, did I sleep! lol

Hi there, Friday/Saturday I ended up staying awake for over 32 hours or so ..... so when I finally DID go to sleep last night - I really crashed! I slept from 11pm or so, til 10:30 am .....then went BACK to sleep and slept til 3:30 pm. I didn't use the breathing machine (altho I know I should have) because I fell asleep before I even put it on... When I woke up, my mouth and throat were SOOOOO dry -- hurt like crazy when I tried to swallow. Even drinking water is taking forever to take away the pain.-- Sheesh LOL.

I SHOULD go get milk (been out of it for days) but I am still so tired/low energy. I thought about having deliver but that is too expensive and I really should just get off my butt and go shopping. LOL (Can you tell that shopping is not one of my favourite things to do? ) But hey, I am grateful that I CAN go shopping. Glad that I can drive and that there are stores around and that I have money for groceries. So many people don't have those basic things. I am very lucky, and very grateful. :-)

Still, I wish I could just wiggle my nose like Samantha on "Bewitched" and have things appear. LOL I guess I will force myself to go after I finish this blog. I wish I could write more meaningful things. So many people write very thought provoking things and in an elegant way. OR they write about life experiences in a wonderfully humourous (spelling?) way.

Its funny -- I dreampt I'd slept over in my car in a "role playing" sim on Second Life. LOL. I guess SL has enterred my dreams now. I'd explored a "role playing" sim for the first time on SL last night. Unfortunately I didn't see what was so great about it. I spent the whole time trying to find my friend in the sim and didn't find him til the end. Then he was falling asleep. I had the observer tag on but I still felt very out of place and afraid to type anything at all to anybody. I guess Role Playing in SL is not my "thang." So, in the dream, I had my cat in the car with me -- but she was a combination of two of my cats. She had Tai Chi's body and name but Blueberrie's colouring. Somehow, she got out of the car as I was trying to drive away and she ran into the forest. I stop the car again so I can go into the forest and look for her. I meet a lady in the role playing forest and tell her that I am looking for my cat and then I apologize because I had spoken in a non-role playing manner. LOL Fortunately she was understanding and she helped me look for my cat. I found Tai Chi and put her back into the car but before I could drive away she got out AGAIN and I had to go back to searching for her.

Soooooo I wonder what that dream means. (if anything) Oh well, I guess I have avoided going to the store for long enough. Bye for now. Have a wonderful day everyone. :-)

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Below is an un-released George Harrison song to Krsna.

It is repetative because it is a chant but I still like it. And I think the person who edited this did a great job of finding pics for it on the web. :-)

I goofed up my sleep again and stayed up all night. OOOOOPS! Oh well. LOL I had fun anyway. I should go to bed now but I am not tired yet. I guess I really had too much coca cola last night (actually it was pepsi but same thing) lol

And here is a more well-known song by Georgie -

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I love this... (if it works)

Sorry ....

Hi there == Sorry I haven't written in here in so long. I am having trouble (as I often do) thinking of things to say. I was hoping that something would come to mind if I took the steps to post a blog but still nothing is coming to my mind. Hmmmmm guess I am not very creative this morning.....

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Hmmmm ......

Maybe I am just feeling down but part of me is wondering why I even attempt to blog. Not many people visit this blog, I guess it is just too boring. :-(
I know I don't say much (altho I do try to share some art here). I read other peoples' blogs and they have a fairly large group of people that make comments to their posts regularly. I know I have two or three people who are kind enough to visit and comment and I am very grateful to them -- but still -- only having two or three readers does make me feel like what the heck am I doing cluttering up the internet with my boring posts?
(blah -- Maybe I will be in a better mood tomorrow)

That was fun -- I wonder if I can put an OM in my post....

I'm going to try ......

Oh neat --- I wish I could make it BIGGER though -- but still== so cool! :-)
LOL -- I did it the hard way -=- editing the word and clicking on the keyboard icon, and then finding the OM symbol -- and I just realized that all I had to do was type: "om" लोलोल

ओह हाउ फून!!!

इ विष इ रेअल्ली कोउल्ड राइट इन हिन्दी बुत आईटी सुर इस नात टू अत लीस्ट सी आईटी ओं थिस ब्लॉग। :-)
Oh this is so neat!!! How fun! Too bad I don't really know how to speak Hindi -- but the text sure looks neat doesn't it? I always thought it was/is such a beautiful written language। I have been trying to learn Hebrew -- I wonder if I can get this blog to let me type in Hebrew characters as well? Darn - so far I have not been able to figure out how to get a choice to use Hebrew characters..... but the sanskrit sure is fun. :-)

जॉर्ज हर्रिसों --- वित्हीं यू विथौत यू --
वे वेरे तल्किंग -- अबाउट थे स्पस बेत्वीन उस अल एंड थे पीपुल - व्हो हाइड ठेम्सेल्वेस बेहिंद अ वाल ऑफ़ इल्लुसिओं, नेवर ग्लिम्प्से थे ट्रुथ - थें इट्स फार तू लेट -- व्हें थे पास आवे........

It says that it just uses the Hindi symbols to match the sounds so it is not translating actual English words to Hindi. Still -- I wonder if someone who reads Hindi can figure out what I wrote above. :-) It sure looks pretty! I sure wish I really could read and write the language.

*****Oh darn -- I just found out that the Sanskrit/Hindi writing doesn't show for most -- so these posts about the neat Sanskrit writing make me look like an idiot cuz they are only showing in English for readers. Oh well -- shame -- the symbols sure look NEAT on my computer. ***** :-)

Still having fun with tileable textures....

Hi there all ! :-)

As often is the case, it has been awhile since I have blogged. I had a nice visit with my mom this past Saturday. When I visit her I always make a long day of it. When she used to have her house I would often sleep over and spend two days with her. It was fun and I miss that but I can't sleep over where she is now cuz she only has a love-seat and her own twin bed. The love seat cuts my legs off (not comfortable at all) ...and I can't seem to handle sleeping on floors nowdays. Still, it was a nice visit. I picked up some Mexican food that we shared, then upgraded her SL. She never gets on SL except when I visit and that is only if I am at the keyboard. I really wish that she WOULD get on SL sometimes cuz she never leaves her apt now and I think it would be neat for her to be able to travel virtually at least, and it would be fun to be able to "visit" her sometimes without driving to her place - but oh well.

After upgrading her SL -- we played with a new video search game she had gotten from "Real Arcade." It had very nice artwork. I guess it would help kids/people improve their observational skills cuz you search for various hard to find items in crowded pictures/drawings. We got up to level 5 - before we started getting really tired of it. lol

Lately, I have been having lots of fun finding interesting photos on the web and making them into tileable patterns in photoshop. I love how you can't predict how they are going to look til you finish them-- so they are always a surprize. I put "Opals" in google image search and found some pretty gems -- I made a tileable patterm from one of these opals and it looks like Psychedellic 60s Tie Dye! lolol

Last night I made some fun desktop wallpapers from pics of stars. Here is one that turned out really neat. :-)

Friday, April 4, 2008

Here's another texture I made tonight/this morning

When it comes to my art I often go through phases. I "explore" a style/medium of art, making many creations and then the phase passes and I never go through it again. It is very strange. I do that with jewelry too. I went through a thing where I made a lot of sculpted roses for necklaces and then I got tired of it - never to make them again. I did the same thing with Ukrainian Easter eggs. I have two or three dozen of them but now I don't make them anymore.

I seem to be going through a phase of these intricate designs at the moment -- I know it won't last. The above one is a bit busy but it is interesting. I am not a great fan of white backgrounds, though. Not sure what I can use these for, although I suppose they could make pretty cards.

So far, I have been unable to make a texture that I like as much as the one I still have on my desktop as wall paper (the one in the previous blog). I sure wish I could make another one that I like as well or better .... oh well..... :-/

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I stayed up all night again but...

At least I was being creative! I am actually rather excited about the results -- I made a really pretty fabric texture -- and it is hand-drawn with the mouse (but also tiled and reduced a lot) lol It is neat looking -- I currently have it as my desktop wallpaper. :-)

The original drawing looked like this (without the gradient background):