My mood has been better lately

Hi there all -- My mood has been better lately and I am sure grateful about that. I am not sure of WHY my mood has been better lately. It could be cuz this is my absolute FAVOURITE time of year!!!! I LOVE the Fall/Autumn. I love the breezes on the sunny days and the showers on the rainy days. I love the bright colours of the leaves. I love the whole MOOD of this time of year. Sort of an anticipatory mood-- or at least it feels that way to me. I love Autumn MORE than Winter and Spring and MUCH more than Summer *which I often find to be too hot and depressing. (Oppressive).
My legs have been hurting a bit less lately (this week) too. They still are hurting and it still is hard to stand and to walk -- but at least they are not QUITE as painful as they HAVE been!!! I don't know if the improvement will last or if my legs will go downhill again but I sure am grateful for them feeling a bit better this week! :-) It is wonderful!!!
Anyway -- I wanted to share these things that I am grateful for because often we forget to write about things that we are happy about. I must admit -- I wish that this week before Halloween could last for 3 months!!!!! October has passed WAYYYYYY too quickly. Soon it will be Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then looping around towards Summer (*UGH) again. I really wish this time of year would last "forever"! :-)
I had a dream of George Harrison this afternoon (my sleep has turned to days again --oh well). The mood of the dream was really nice even though I knew he was going to die soon (he died on November 29th 2001). He was performing with Eric Clapton in a concert and a lady usher moved my friend and I to the first row to see him (after two mean women audience members had threatened my friend and I at our previous seats). As usual, the MOOD of the dream is impossible to share with words but there was such a feeling of love in this dream -- even tho it was mixed with sadness at the knowledge that George was going to die from cancer in a few days. I guess my subconscious is still trying to come to terms with George Harrison being gone from this world. Even tho I never knew him, personally, he has been a very important and influencing figure in my life. I still MISS him sooo much even though it has now been 7 years since he died. (At the too young age of only 58 years old)
Anyway -- even with some anniversaries of deaths coming up ... I am still in a pretty good mood tonight and that is very nice! :-)

Special about Fractals on "NOVA" tonight

Hi there all - my sis in law told me that there is going to be a special on Fractals on "NOVA" tonight at 8 pm on our public broadcasting station! I must admit -- I can't wait. I usually love "NOVA" and it should be interesting seeing a special on Fractals! Actually I prob should try to tape it but I am too lazy to try to find the remote. lol

Above is a fractal based on the BROT ... I intended to put in a diff one but goofed on the title ... Maybe I will put in the other one as well......
Here is the one I originally intended to upload. Both are based on the fractal form "Brot" which I am sure they will talk about in the "NOVA" special. :-)

I hope it is playing in other areas too so maybe some of you out there can see the special too. If it is on at 8pm for everyone then I guess it is already playing back east.

I LOVE FRACTALS! :-)

I made two Halloween outfits

I think they turned out kind of cute and they are fun to wear. Of course along these lines -- what do I do for Thanksgiving? Make turkey dresses? LOLOL

A sunny windy Day!

I am not normally a great fan of sunny days - but I must admit that today is one of those rare sunny days that I LOVE! It is sunny and clear but not too hot or too cold. And it has a WONDERFUL dry breeze! I love hearing the leaves rustle as the wind blows. It is a somewhat warm (but not TOO warm) breeze and it reminds me of the Santa Ana's we used to have in Los Angeles in October! :-)
It is a VERY pretty day!

My stupid sleep schedule is trying to work its way...

..... back to staying up all night again --- Last "night" I went to sleep around 6 am and slept til 2:30 this afternoon. NOOOOOOO!! I don't want it to switch back around sooo soooon!! I hope I can nip this in the bud ... I took some allergy pills that usually zonk me out (a few mins ago) ...but I don't know if they will work cuz sometimes they don't. Well, wish me luck! (grins)

I was going thru some pictures of Aurora's.....

And I found some neat ones that I figured I might as well put up on this blog. :-) This one is of a funny cat sculpture I made with a fractal image texture over it. It has such a silly face I think it is cute. I also like the dress I am wearing and I hope I can find it again. It was a fun Christmas dress to wear. I wonder what I named it and if I can ever find it in my messy inventory! lol
This one below is of Phoenix and I. I wish I could say that I made the dress I am wearing in this pic but I didn't make it. It sure is a NEAT dress though, wow! Phoenix made the Chinese dress that she is wearing. :-) I love her kitten! (grins)

WOw it is sure hard to put pictures and text where I want them in this blog -- grrrrrr! Below is a cute pic from that neat SIM -- Greenies! I love the HUGE cat and the fact that it was raining in the Kitchen. And I love that Sim cuz they sure did a great job of making things so large that we feel tiny! :-)

My legs are hurting SOOOO MUCH! :-(

I went to an art therapy group today in TAW (the actual world -- got from Mykyl's blog) (grins). It was SOOOOOO HARD to go down the stairs from my apt. I held onto the railing very tightly but my legs/knees are hurting and clicking SOOO much that even leaning against the railing is not making it much easier to walk down the stairs.
I am soooo scared about all of this. In such a short time I have gone from being able to walk fine without any pain -- to hardly being able to walk AT ALL --- even with the help of a cane! I have continued to lose weight since the problems started happening with my legs/knees but the weight loss has not helped. How much longer will I be able to live in my upstairs apt? How much longer will I be able to drive or walk at all? My legs/knees have gone downhill so FAST!!!! It hurts just to stand .....and it hurts (and takes a long time) to walk from room to room (in my SMALL apt). What am I going to do?
It is very frightening. :-(

Well, at least my sleep schedule is good at the moment

I don't know how long it will last but I sure HOPE it lasts a long time!!! The last couple of days I have gone to sleep around midnight or so - and gotten up around 5 to 6:30 AM! My sleep schedule always seems to wrap around to staying up all night again but each time it is like this I TRY to have it last as long as possible! :-) I sure HOPE I can make it last cuz I really DO prefer going to bed early and getting up early in the day. I have more chances to do things and see people when I am on daylight hours. (Not that I neccessarily do anything or see anyone!) LOL!
I am still trying to work through my feelings regarding the "helper" (or lack there of) situation. Fortunately I feel a lot better than I did earlier this week but it still feels like a rug was pulled out from under me. And it has been VERY disconcerting in terms of my obviously not being very good at judging whether a person is decent or not. I still wish I knew the REAL reason why he decided he didn't want to work for me anymore (cuz my "contacting him too much" can't be the real reason cuz I didn't do the contacting - he did every time) Now I find that it is unclear as to whether he even HAD a "medical emergency" at all. But I guess I will never find out the truth of the matter. At least, the more time that goes by -- the more I am getting over this latest set-back, but it sure hit me hard.
On SL, I, as AuroraSkye, have made some fun gowns. I want to make a set of FOUR "Celestial" gowns -- (like the four "Elements" gowns) but it is harder to come up with ideas for the Celestial gowns without them being too close to each other. I even had the silly idea of trying to make a "Saturn" gown with particle RINGS around it LOLOL -- but I don't think that idea will work. Still, I like the two Celestial gowns I have come up with so far. :-)

Grrrrrr

Grrrrrr Grrrrrrr Grrrrrrr!!!!
According to the guy who assigns helpers to me -- the helper may have quit and decided to avoid me because I "contacted him too much!" I must admit -- THAT is sure a surprise because HE was the one who wanted to exchange email addies and I only wrote back to him IF he wrote to me first -- and usually just to say "Ok" to the time he said he was coming over. VERY strange!
I never initiated contact with him either by phone OR by email. In fact, when we both cancelled him coming over on Wednesday -- he told ME to write or call him with a new day for him to come work ....but I didn't get around to it -- before he contacted ME! So as I say -- it is patently ridiculous that I "contacted him too much!"
I am now thinking that he may be one of those people who fabricate stories/habitually lie -- because he sure had some stories that he told me that may very well have been lies/exagerations.
I guess I will not see the Beatles book I loaned him- ever again. And so much for him paying me back for the glitter pens he asked me to buy for him. I still don't understand the whole thing. It doesn't make sense. :-/

For whatever its worth ....

I want to clarify something and apologize to my readers .... I was VERY VERY excited about the new helper/care-giver that was recommended to me and who agreed to help me with my apt and lifting things etc. He was perfect in practically EVERY way! He was non-judgemental, honest, and kind. He could lift heavy things and was a good and eager worker. (and he liked the Beatles!) I was VERY VERY happy to have found him and was looking forward to a long association with him.

As far as I know -- we didn't have ANY problems in working together. He even talked about what we would be doing apt-wise in a year's time. I don't think he felt over-worked or anything. We had no disagreements or arguments. I don't know what the "medical emergency" was but usually people feel they can recover and are able to work again, after medical emergencies, so I can't help but wonder if there is something more to his deciding he can't work for me anymore than what he said in the email.

There was only ONE thing I was concerned about his working for me and I expressed it here. Unfortunately, in concentrating on that one concern, it came across as if it overshadowed all the GOOD parts about his working for me. I now really regret expressing the concern at all. Even though I shared no names and I felt I preserved anonymity -- I still shared things on a web page. Admittedly, it is one that I felt was/is only read by a few people, but it still is a public place and I really am VERY sorry that I shared my concerns here. :-( ESPECIALLY since the way I expressed those concerns made it SOUND like they were a bigger issue for me than they were. YES, I was worried about him and didn't want anything bad to happen to him but I DEFINATELY didn't mind sharing candy with him or sharing a meal. HECK -- I would gladly share MANY MANY meals with him and MANY MANY candy bars (*as long as the candy wouldn't make him sick) if only he would work for me again.

I wish there were a way where I could go back in time and un-do what I have done but I can't. :-( I can only apologize to whomever I may have offended with my posts here.

Lost the care-giver :-(

I am sooooo upset :-( The worker was supposed to come today at 2pm and I waited and waited (and fell asleep as I often do) He never called, and never came and I had anxiety dreams of cleaning all day ('til 9:30 pm tonight -- missing all day) :-(
I finally got up and called him -- got his answering machine. Then turned on the computer and got an email from him saying:

"I have had a medical emergency and just got home to rest. I am sorry to say that I will no longer be able to work for you any longer due to medical reasons...."

I am sooooooo upset about this!!!!!!! I had those concerns about his diabetes and how he was handling it but I felt those could be easily worked out. I have seen the list and there aren't many male workers and I really thought he would work out great! I had my hopes up so high (always a dangerous thing for me) and now they have crashed down soooo hard again.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO upset!!!! :-( :-( :-( I have no help again and I feel so alone.

:-(

I made a new gown tonight ....

A BLUE one ...

Fitting huh? LOL

I am feeling rather down tonight ...

.....and I don't know why. It isn't low blood sugar or lack of sleep cuz I have eaten and slept. It shouldn't be because of the messy apt cuz, altho it is still messy, I AM taking steps to take care of it..... I am just feeling BLUE.
I suppose it COULD be because my close friend's mother is dying of cancer.... but then again she is 89 years old so she has had a very long and good life..... Maybe it is cause I am dreading cleaning tomorrow.... I like having things clean and I even like the process of cleaning (sometimes) but it can be painful esp the way my legs/hips/etc have been lately. Maybe I am down because of the pain in my legs/hips/etc. *SIGH*
Maybe it is just good ol' chemical depression. :-(

New Shimmer Gowns

Hi there-- I stayed up all night -- darn it -- I know I will regret it when I have to continue staying up to work on my apt -- but what's done is done. I hope I will be able to clean without getting too sick.

At least I got some new gowns out and I am excited about that. The boxes are not my usual style but I still like them. :-) It is actually nice to stray a bit from my regular arms-up-from-cheap-belly-dancer-pose boxes LOL

DARN my sleep patterns!

My stupid sleep patterns are now completely on other side of the world !!!! .... I am getting to sleep around 1:30 PM and getting up around 8:30 or so PM ... which is OPPOSITE of what I WANT to do -- It is hard to switch this cuz I am not allowed to take sleeping pills -- grrrrr.
So as it stands, the new helper will come tomorrow RIGHT when I am getting sleepy (at the end of my day) -- 1 AM for me in terms of my sleep schedule - even tho it is 1 PM local time.
This is not good. :-( I can't even FIND any sleeping pills I may have had around the apt (I am tempted to take them to go to sleep "early" tonight even tho I am not supposed to take them)
I want to be awake to clean tomorrow. I guess I will try to take those anti-allergy decongestants that make me sleepy (even tho I don't need them, and even tho they give me head-aches) :-(

A possible new helper

I'm afraid to get my hopes up too high because often things happen to cause them to go crashing down again -- but I met a new person who hopefully can come and help with my apt, today, and I am really excited and hopeful that things might really work out this time!
He has a truck (which will be handy when taking things to Goodwill - and that way I don't have to keep picking him up at the buss stop as I had to do with the last helper I had over two years ago). Since he is a man, I will feel less guilty asking him to lift some heavy things and/or bring some heavy bags of trash down.
He believes in Spirituality but not forcing religion on someone (unlike the lady I had before who tried to convert me to Christianity for a year). He likes cats and Blueberry and Tai Chi have already accepted him. He also likes George Harrison and John Lennon!!! (Not a requirement to work for me -- but it sure helps! LOLOL)
He said he can start working on Mondays and Wednesdays at 1pm. (Starting next week) I hope to try to get a LOT of cleaning done this weekend (if I can) so I can get a head start on getting this apt in order! I must admit -- I have been asking for help with this for almost 2 years now --- It has been impossible to do it all on my own. Now I hope I don't jinx things by writing that my hopes are high that I can finally have the apt back the way it was when I first moved here!
WOW, I sure hope this all works out! :-)

Making of Cirque Du Soleil's LOVE comes to Theatres

I went to the dentist again today

...... Don't I lead an exciting life???? (NOT) They put the new crowns on .... and then made ANOTHER appointment cuz evidently I have an old filling that needs to be re-done! (Sheesh == I thought the crowns were going to be the LAST of the dental work for awhile!) :-( So now I have to go back this coming Tuesday. I am SOOOOO NOT in the mood. This sure has been an expensive and rather painful summer. :-( My teeth had better LAST A LONG TIME after all this.

Wow -- there sure are some meanies out there!

I played some spades online with a friend of mine tonight -- and the games are rated so if you lose you can lose up to 15 points or more per game. Well, this awful B*tchy lady came into the game and started putting down her partner if he made any moves she decided she didn't like. THEN she accused my friend and I of cheating cuz we took longer than she wanted us to -- to decide how many tricks we could take, or to choose which cards to play (excuse me lady, I may not be the best spades player around but I am fairly good at it -- and I DON'T cheat -- grrrrrr) Every time I saw her typing I wondered what venomous thing would come out of her mouth this time! She (and her partner) won the game so she didn't lose her precious points. Sheesh!
Then, my friend had to go to bed so I decided to play one more game with someone I didn't know. The game seemed to be going well but then my partner "nilled" (which means she can't take ANY tricks, and I have to protect her from the other people trying to put low cards down to make her take a trick) Well, I royally goofed it this time -- I protected her well until a ten of hearts was played, I put down a low diamond cuz I wanted to get rid of the card that I couldn't protect her with .... well I should have put down a spade (the trump cards) because it turned out that she had the ACE of hearts. :-( Needless to say, she took the trick and it ruined the nil (penalizing us both by 100 points) I apologized for my mistake but she still "yelled" at me in chat, saying "you don't count cards do you?" (which is true - I have trouble counting cards) and she quit the game, leaving me to finish the game partnered with a Bot (notoriously not good against humans) I am SORRY I made that mistake and yeah it was a dumb one but sheesh!!!! I have had people make dumb mistakes that have goofed up my nils too .... I just think it is such a shame that people are sooooo B*TCHY now. It IS only a game -=- rating points or not. :-(
Oh well -- that was very upsetting. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed at my stupidity - but again== we, as humans, DO make mistakes sometimes. I think it is such a shame that as fellow human beings, we can't be a little more forgiving and understanding towards eachother. :-(