Toothache ....

Wheeeee -- on top of my cold that seems to be hanging on forever -- I now have a throbbing toothache (and I rarely get those), so now I have to find my Dentist's phone number and hope that I can get in to see him some time before the end of the year (Seems like when you are in pain =-= Drs/Dentists are full full full -appointment-wise). :-(

I must admit I am so tired of body maintenence -- it is almost worse than maintaining a car!

Hmmmmm -- I don't get it....

All my other photos that I uploaded on this blog -- let you click them to see a larger version. And I KNOW I have a larger version of that neat Celtic Horse picture uploaded,... but for some reason== clicking on that image is not working to take us to the larger version. I tried copying the HTML from the blogs where the pictures DO work (putting the correct image addresses in) but it didn't work so .... I just don't get it. Hmmmmmm. Oh well.

Since I seem to be in a picture uploading mood....

Here's one more before I go to bed..... this is of my first attempt at "Silks."
I like how they turned out - especially the faded colours. :-)
This one is available at the first place in my picks (in my profile on SL)
Actually I am typing just so I can fade the colours!

Sun/Moon Celtic Horses - Eternal Battle between Night and Day

I saw this during my travels in SL last night ...Isn't it GORGEOUS!??? I wish *I* could draw like this!

Well, since the SUN horse is winning at the moment and the dawn has arrived -- I think I will rush off to bed before my vamp self turns to dust. ;-)

Well, Heat has begun....

My VERY VERY good friends, FD, and Alpha and I - in our George Sgt Pepper outfits. :-)

It is 95 in Portland today. (ICK ICK ICK ICK) I think they are expecting it to be higher temps tomorrow (I LOVE summer -- NOT) lolol


I am sure grateful that I finally broke down and bought one of those "portable" (HA) air conditioners last year. It is sure being a LIFE SAVER for me today! It has the temps in my apt to be around the upper 70s or so -- when normally my apt would be OVER 100 at this point! I plan on holing up in here for the next 3 or 4 days 'til this heatwave breaks -- I sure hope the AC can hold out that long!

Funny -- Looking outside at the sky and a bit of a breeze - it doesn't LOOK like it is that hot out there but I know it is. I don't know why Oregon, in general, seems to believe in making apts etc with NO AC. (And we are not allowed to put the less expensive window ACs in the windows - where I live). :-(
I attempted to make the George Harrison Sgt Peppers Uniform yesterday -- I have a lot more I want/need to add to it but at least I have the basic part done. All hand-drawn. I can't wait to finish the rest of it and try to make ALL the Beatles Sgt Peppers uniforms but first I have to TRY to do the homework for my class today by 6 pm..... I don't think I will be able to get it done in time. :-(
My stupid cold is STILL hanging on -- I really wish it would give up and leave me alone. I keep THINKING that I am feeling better but then I start feeling worse again as the day progresses. I keep needing to cough and bring things up from my lungs -- and I keep thinking -- GOOD - this should be clearing me up so I can stop choking when I try to breathe, but somehow I seem to keep creating MORE stuff in my lungs that I need to cough up again.....(not that I am trying to be too graphic here) ... so I continue to choke and feel awful. :-(

Oh well - to leave things on a high/grateful note -- I am SO SO SO GLAD that I am not broiling in my apt at this moment. I wouldn't even be able to get online cuz it would be too hot to run the computer -- and I would just be showering and spraying myself with water and lying in bed feeling miserable. (Or trying to go to a theatre JUST to avoid the heat) SO BOY am I glad I have this "portable" AC. :-)

Beginning of Heatwave...

Well our 4 to 5 day heatwave is supposed to be beginning today. Fortunately it is not too hot yet but I am sure it will be soon enough - especially in my heat-retaining apt. Heat has melted candles (and Ukranian Easter eggs) up here, in the past.
I still have my stupid stupid STUPID cold/cough etc but at least I am feeling a HECK of a lot better than I did LAST week - so I am VERY grateful for that. :-) I don't know WHY this darn thing is hanging ON sooooo long --- but as I say == I am SOOOO very glad it seems to be on it's way out!
I hope to get on SL today and work on some "Sgt Pepper" jackets! :-)

"In my life..."

Today I knew I needed to blog --- for some reason my emotions are really on the surface today - though I am not sure why. While driving to my "depression class" - I found myself feeling such a strong ache of sadness within me -- missing George Harrison and missing my friend, Karen (who was also a Beatles fan and who commited suicide Dec 2005). I don't know why missing people hits me harder on some days than others. This is not any sort of anniversary date that I can think of. It just hit me soooo deeply today. I kept crying on the way to the "class" ...... and cried during the class (altho I didn't share that I was missing George).

The regular class leader is on vacation this week so we had a new lady taking over just for today. We each shared a bit of what was going on for us and I was the last one to share. It was a bit embarrassing because the others were all fairly mild, whereas I shared about how we are all going to die eventually and how it is inevitable that we will either get some sort of disease or die suddenly, and of course we also get to "look forward" to more of our friends and family dying off too. (Great mood I was in -- eh? LOLOL ... Fitting for a depression class, I suppose LOL)

At first the new facilitator cut me off about my negative thinking and how I should not think that way, and that irritated me because we are supposed to say what we are feeling and I am not going to be a "Pollyanna" about things. I said I am just being realistic here -- we all are going to die - as soon as we're born we are destined to die, it is inevitable. The older we all get the more chance we have at losing friends, loved ones, our health, even our memories. I am not saying that I want to spend whatever time any of us have left, being depressed -- quite the opposite really -- I want to spend my time productively and as happy or as at peace as possible .... but I am also a realist -- and pretending that I, my family, and friends are going to live forever just from the power of positive thinking is a bunch of Bull (imo)

Anyway, when the "class leader" decided to listen a bit instead of cutting me off -- it helped, and I think the other people got some good out of being able to be honest too. I know it helped me to feel a bit better to be able to cry a bit and to share some of these thoughts that I have built up inside of me -- to an outside ear. I live alone with three cats, and I guess that being away from local, live human contact can take its toll.

I am VERY grateful to have the people that I can talk to on here and in SL -- but at times I guess one still needs an occassional human right there in the same room with you -- even if it if only for a couple of hours.

I guess this cold is affecting my emotional self as well as affecting my physical self. (And it being the beginning of summer = my least favourite season of the year -- and heading into the first of what will prob be many heatwaves, is affecting me as well. [And that makes me miss Karen greatly, because unlike most people, she felt like I do about sunny days-- prefering the rain and finding sunny days to be depressing.... I miss having her here on the planet where I could at least feel that ONE other person feels the same as I do about the sun.... or having too much of it. GOD, I miss you, Karen! I really wish you hadn't succeeded in killing yourself, and leaving us all here without you]. :-(

Please don't mind the tone of this post -- I am sure I will return to my usual WONDERFULLY cheerful self (HA HA HA HA HA) soon. ;-)

I need a new computer keyboard

Hi there -- My stupid cold is still hanging on. Grrrrrr..... But I am tired of complaining about it so I will complain about my computer keyboard LOLOL. It has lost many of the letters -- they have worn off -- AND the space bar even has a hole worn in it! LOLOLOL

I have all sorts of different kinds of pens, so today I carefully tried to re-print out the missing letters in white (so they show up) and in a clear ink I have that makes things raised (so I can even feel them again now) Of course == heaven forbid I go buy another keyboard! lolol Anyway -- it is sure nice to see some of the missing letters again -- not that I view the keys when I type anyway but at times it is comforting to know for sure that the "o" is actually the "o." The letters that were completely gone were: "A, C, N, U, I, O, and L" the partially gone ones were "E, S, R, T, M, Y, and K" I would have thought that "E" would be in the "completely gone" category- - being the most popular letter - but I guess I just hit it in a partial way. (Isn't this fascinating? LOLOLOL -- I think the cold/flu has finally fried my brain!)

Oh I forgot to mention the key that is also completely worn out -- (which makes sense with me) -- the "BACKSPACE" key!!!! Bwahahahahaha! I use that thang ALL the time! :-D (I am too lazy to re-write that word on the key though)

Anyway -- do you all have any keys whose lettering has completely disappeared? Or do you all have less cheap keyboards than I do? lolol

Still sick..... :-(

Hi there again -- -- I am attempting to be online again because I am sooooo tired of being in bed, coughing. I want this stupid cold/flu to GO AWAY! (Boy am I a brat when I feel sick) lolol
I THINK I feel better than yesterday but I still feel awful. If I am THIS bad with a cold, then I know I would have an AWFUL attitude if/when I get anything more serious. :-( (So I sure hope I never do)
Anyway - thank you for your well wishes. Hugsssss! Hopefully I will be back to my WONDERFUL (ha!) self soon.

Sick as a dawg :-(

Hi there all -- Boy did my awful sleep habits catch up with me. After staying up over 26 hours again -- I tried to sleep but then when I awoke after maybe 3 hours I realized I had/have a doozie of a cold/flu. :-( :-( :-(

Sore throat, hot cold flashes, drippy nose, sneezing, coughing, nauseous, difficulty breathing...... BLAH! I tried having a lot of vitamins, soup, liquids, nyquil etc .....but nothing really seems to be working. Boy I HATE colds -- ESPECIALLY summer colds. I don't know why colds seem to be worse when it is hot outside.

I tried to sleep all day yesterday and today but I wasn't using my sleep apnea C-Pap cuz of how drippy my nose was/is (Not trying to share too much information) ....but i FINALLY tried the C-Pap thing the last 3 hours or so and WOW -- I am still feeling AWFUL but I think I got more sleep in the last 3 hours than I have for the last 24 hours of trying to sleep! That C-Pap thing really DOES make a difference. I guess I should have realized I need it (even with a cold or maybe ESPECIALLY with a cold) when I was just sitting UP and watching TV and I kept stopping breathing even when sitting up! (Sheesh)

Anyway -- I decided to let myself come online briefly to distract myself from how I feel -- before I go back to bed again. I sure wish this darn cold/flu would GO AWAY!!!!!

I feel AWFUL! :-(

June 14th :-)

Hi there! Today is my actual birthday -- and I slept thru most of it -- (figures huh? LOLOL) But it was fun last night -- celebrating it both on SL and in RL. On SL, my dear sweet friends: FD, Alpha, Mykyl, WB, Aianna, Eara, and Hell (I hope you don't mind my abreviations of some of your names, and I hope I am not forgetting anyone) all came together and we danced and posed for fun photos, blew out candles on an SL cake, and opened pressies! :-) It was soooo special and it meant so much to me! It was fun! (My better pics are still on SL - but I will upload one of the postcards I sent to myself)

(OH sheesh -- Blueberry has chosen NOW to come up and lie down in front of my keyboard -- so it is incredibly hard to type around her!!!) lol

In RL (real life) - my brother, sis in law, mom and I all went to McGrath's fish place (Whooo hoooo!) And fortunately Maureen (my sis in law) liked what she got this time! The food was delicious and so was the MUD PIE!!!! (grins) Mmmmmmmmm! lololol (I have some left over in the freezer) We sat at the exact same table we sat at on my birthday LAST year! lol We talked and laughed and was fun. I wish it could have lasted a little longer but my brother wanted to get home to get back to work on his computer software programs (his own business which is taking off pretty well -- he hardly has any free time -- is always working, so I am very grateful for the time we did have).

All in all it was a very special celebration (even tho it was the day before the actual day) HEY -- I don't mind -- I like to celebrate all week if I can LOLOL. Heck -- as we get older-=- and as a single person with no kids or neices or nephews, there aren't many days of celebration left -- so I am not going to give up birthdays! LOL (I am a kid at heart) (grins)

THANK YOU very much everyone -- including MI, and Jaxie who wrote sweet B-day wishes for me in this blog! BIG hugs to everyone! :-D

Hi there -- I went to a depression class today...

Hi there all (or whomever reads this blog) I went to a depression class/group today in RL. It deals with ways we all can fight depression and improve our lives. It is an 8 week course that repeats. It changes because different people go through it -- each bringing their own dimension to things. Today's topic was "Boundaries." That is a very good topic for a depression group because often people get depressed if they are unable to keep healthy boundaries between them and others. Often depressed people desire so much to please others that they don't say "no" when asked to do things -- even when it really would be a better idea to be able to say "no." They end up getting walked all over and that can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, anxiety, depression, chaos etc etc. These behaviours often start in early childhood. I know that when I grew up == I was NOT allowed to say "NO" to my mom especially. I also realized, at a very young age, that if I tried to "make mom happy" (an impossible task in reality cuz we can't "MAKE" anyone happy or sad etc) I could avoid her wrath (which seemed to come up often). (My mom was a rageaholic) While that helped me get along in our household growing up, this behaviour has not particularly helped me in later, adult years. At least, being aware of it, I think I have been able to tone down my "people pleasing" behaviours a bit - but I still find that I feel a lot of guilt if I want to do something that others don't want me to do.

For example -=- it is my birthday this coming Saturday and my family has kindly said that they would take me wherever I want for dinner (on Friday). I chose a very nice fish place called McGraths where we went last year. But my mom, and my sis in law have both expressed wanting to go elsewhere. I am sticking to McGrath's so far== but I DO feel guilty about it. But heck, it is my birthday and I never go there on my own .... so I hope that we all can go there and have fun. :-) (And, hopefully, I can try to deal with the guilt I feel about not chosing a restaurant that mom, and Maureen might prefer. :-)

How 'bout you all? Do you find you often say "Yes" to something when you really should respect your own boundaries and say "no"? Did you grow up in a family where you had to "people please", or you saw your parents "people please" so those were the behaviours you learned? Have you been able to learn how to keep better boundaries now that you're a bit older and more experienced? Are there people in your lives that are still trying to take too much from you - or take advantage of you in some way? Any suggestions for us all on how to handle that?

(Just some thoughts -- I hope I get some responses -- this blog is usually pretty dead over here LOLOL)

Be well everyone! :-)

Been up all night again....

Hi there --- I have not written a blog in awhile so I figured I would try to write something before I go to bed today.....*(my cats are harrassing me to go to bed NOW!)*

I visited mom this past Friday. She is considering getting a 14 year old cat to keep her company. She feels a bit guilty about this because when she moved to the assisted living place where she is now -- she didn't want to take any of her 4 cats with her -- and a couple of them ended up at the Humane society :-( so it IS a bit weird that now she is wanting to adopt a cat. But still -- I told her that whatever happenned to her other cats has already happenned -- so it won't help them in any way if she doesn't adopt this cat because of them.

It seems to be a sweet cat. Her name is "Wally" ! She has a round head, yellow eyes, and her fur is a mixture of tabby and abbyssinian....(with white feet). I hope it works out where mom can adopt her cuz I think they will be good company for eachother. :-)

My Birthday is in less than a week (next Saturday, June 14th) Hopefully, my brother, sis in law, mom and I will go out to dinner somewhere. I am hoping we can go to a nice fish place called McGrath's....but who knows. Mom was not sounding thrilled with that choice.... and of course it also depends upon where Rob and Maureen want to go. That place has THE BEST "Mud Pie" of any restaurant I know of! :-D Mmmmmmmmmmm. Normally I prefer Blueberry pie but hey =- I DO love Mud Pies when they are done right -- with jamoca icecream and hot fudge! :-D

I hope it rains on my birthday cuz I LOVE rain! But that may be too much to hope for == considering it will be the middle of JUNE! Still -=- there is a chance it may rain - and I sure hope it does. :-D

But it is SUNNY today (ugh) lolol So I prob should get to bed before the sun rays hit me and I turn to dust... My cats all say: "Hi" (in cat talk) I hope whomever reads this has a wonderful day and week and month etc! :-)