Well Wheeeee.....

Back from the Drs. I found out that I am the "worst case [she] has ever seen" (in terms of 124 apnea episodes per hour). I can sure do without that dubious distinction. She also said that my body doesn't let me go into REM sleep cuz in REM sleep you are paralyzed and that would paralyze my throat and make it impossible for me to breathe again from an apnea episode. So, in essense, my body is choosing to breathe instead of to go into stage 3 REM sleep. :-( (I guess that is smart of my body and I am glad it is not letting me choke to death at night but it still is disturbing news)

The Dr. also said that I am NOT to take ambien to help myself sleep because that would kill me (wheeeeeeee) (She was SOOOOOO full of good news today)

In essense, I have to get that CPAP machine ASAP, and do a lot of other sleep type rules to try to stop or lessen the apnea episodes - so I don't have a heart attack, stroke, or die in my sleep from lack of oxygen. It is VERY hard not to want to totally sleep/escape at this point so I don't have to face all this ..... but I guess that would not be a good idea.

Not sure what else to say --- I don't FEEL exhausted (esp since I "slept" all day yesterday) so I am not sure I will have any more willingness to do the things I need to do for my health than the (mostly LACK of) willingness I have currently .... but maybe the CPAP will make a difference in my attitude. I sure HOPE it makes a difference in my attitude because right now my attitude is more one of giving up than doing what I need to do to get healthy. (And yet I really don't want to have a stroke or heart attack -- so I really DO need to get on the ball and turn things around) [God, I sure hope I can/will]